Confession – sometimes I don’t really want to be here. And by that, I mean, exist in our world as it is today. This is a feeling I get every now and again when people behave really shitty. In those moments, I feel like my soul was meant to live during another time when things weren’t so crazy in the world like they are today. Of course, I probably romanticize what those times were like. I am sure they had their own sets of challenges, too.
I don’t often tell others I feel this way because it will scare them. They will wonder, is she suicidal? Should I be worried about her mental health? I once mentioned it to my husband, and he got really serious and concerned. He knows me to be a bubbly, positive person, so I get how weird it must have sounded to him.
But no, I am not suicidal, and I think my mental health is quite fine. But I appreciate the concern. I think my soul just gets sick of what our society says is valuable. Or why people seem to devolve and act horribly the way that they do.
What is one supposed to do when they feel like they are living during a time period that doesn’t fit them?
For me, I found that accepting the world as it is helps. Even though there are things in the world can be ugly, beauty still exists, if you know where to look. At the end of the day, all we have control over is ourselves and the world we choose to build for ourselves.
Just because the world says X, doesn’t mean I have to agree or conform to it. And just because I might think Y, it doesn’t mean I have the right to push that onto others, either. Instead of focusing on what I don’t like about our world, I focus on what I love about the little world I am creating. And the life I am building that better fits what I value and find important. I also have gratitude for the world as it exists, warts and all. Because without it, I wouldn’t be able to take the parts that are good and build my own world for myself and my loved ones.
Do you struggle feeling like you belong in this time period?
