Merriam-Webster defines happiness as the state of being content or satisfied. What this means is that you are the only one who can set the standard for what that means to you. Nobody can tell you when you are satisfied and when you are content.
Often times, we place our happiness in someone else’s hands. We inadvertently place expectations on friends and family and partners to make us happy. Maybe you expect your partner to notice and comment on your new haircut or how well you maintain the home or yard. It is nice to show appreciation to your loved ones. I try to be super intentional about showing my husband admiration and appreciation because I know he values it and I genuinely feel it. I often think he just knows I feel this way, but when I express it to him, I know it goes a long way.
This issue with this, though, is when your happiness or mood is too externally focused on what someone else does. For example, if you are dependent on someone else to make you feel good about yourself or make you feel happy about life, then you are too externally focused. We should not be reliant on someone else to determine our own emotional state.
The truth is, when we do this, we set ourselves up for disappointment. We place expectations on someone that they may not be capable of meeting, and when they fail, we take it personally and choose to be unhappy. And we all fall into this dynamic from time to time. I will catch myself doing this and tell myself that I am placing too much emphasis on my husband making me feel good. Then I will get curious because it isn’t like me to be this way. Usually, I will discover that there is something bigger driving my need for additional validation. Then I can get to work on fixing what is driving it inside of me.
Remember, how you feel is your responsibility. It isn’t someone else’s job to make sure you are happy and content. When you give that control to someone else, you may find that you are always unhappy. Any time they don’t notice you or acknowledge something you want them to comment on, you will find yourself unhappy. It is a lot of responsibility to place on someone, and a heavy, heavy burden, precious.
Instead, take control of your emotions and thoughts. Don’t let someone’s inability, or even unwillingness, to please you make you sad or discouraged. It’s not their job.
You were created with the ability to do, think, and feel. What are some things can you do to make yourself happy?
- Do something nice for yourself. Take inventory of the things you like to do and start doing them.
- Enroll in a class and learn something new that you are interested in.
- Take up a new hobby.
- Exercise or meditate. Exercise releases serotonin, which is the happy hormone.
- Keep a gratitude journal. Write down three things you feel grateful for every day.
- Practice positive thinking. Don’t dwell on the terrible things that have happened to you. Try to find something good that came out of any unpleasant experience. What lesson did you learn during or because of these challenging times?
- Do for others. Often, serving others brings us more happiness than we expected.
- Spend time with friends and family because just being with them makes you happy.
Happiness is a choice that we make ourselves. Our emotional state shouldn’t be determined by other people or what they choose to do. Remember, when we are unhappy with ourselves, we become vulnerable to becoming moody and mean to others. And when carry the burden of trying to make someone else happy all the time, we lose ourselves in the process and end up feeling alone.
