By focusing on deriving our happiness from our outer world alone, we are actually setting ourselves up for unhappiness. Why? Simply put, we have very little or no control over those things, yet our inner peace and happiness are dependent on the outcome. When we focus too much on our outer world, we give up control over our own mental state. Think about it like this. When you are in a relationship and you’ve made your partner your end all be all, you’ve essentially placed all your happiness in their pocket. What happens if they decide to end the relationship? What happens if, God forbid, they are in a horrible accident and pass away?
On the other hand, people who feel happy are happy because they are building their inner world. Their inner world is one that they have control over. And as it so happens, when you are focused on building your inner world, your outer world begins to attract positive things that support your inner world.
Our inner world is one we can control, and our outer world is contingent on things we cannot control. This is why many unhappy people blame their outer world. They develop a victim mindset and relinquish their power. Their happiness is tied to things they cannot control, which will inevitably lead to disappointment and sadness.
Last year, I wrote a post about how a bird sitting on a branch is never afraid of it breaking because her trust isn’t in the branch. It is in her own wings. Her survival isn’t dependent on whether or not that branch breaks from a big gust of wind. It is on her own ability to fly away to safety. She is internally focused and doesn’t worry about what the branch does.
If you find that you are a little too focused on your outer world, here’s how you can begin to build your inner world.
1. Confront your insecurities. Insecurities are normal, and we all have them. But they also damper our everyday lives and can be cumbersome if they rule the brain. So, examining these insecurities is a great place to start building your inner world.
You’ll likely need to dive deep into the abyss to place their origin, and its possible old wounds could resurface. But don’t let that scare you away. Healing can be done in this phase if you’re honest with yourself and willing to acknowledge and face your insecurities head-on.
2. Be responsible for your physical well-being. Science has proved that diet and exercise can significantly help your mental state. When you make healthier choices, you see improvements in mood, thinking patterns, and overall well-being.
Let’s be realistic, though. Is it possible to do this work while vegging out on the couch eating a juicy cheeseburger now and again? Of course! However, implementing a good diet, getting quality sleep, exercising, and hydrating adequately go a long way in improving your inner world. These small, basic things that you can do every day, makes a huge difference in your mindset and how you approach things.
3. Meditate often. Meditation assists in calming and relaxing your being so the good emotions and ideas can flow through. Incorporating mindfulness into your daily meditation helps you learn how to stay present in the moment. It also helps you learn how to notice your feelings without judgment and let them go.
4. Build a support system. Once you start progressing, you’ll begin to see and feel shifts. You’ll notice changes in your perspectives, ideas, habits, routines, and emotions. And no matter how grand or small the changes, you’ll likely encounter people within your circle who don’t agree with your progression. And that’s okay because not everybody adapts to change well.
But this is why you will need to develop a stellar support system. Find people who see your improvement, are proud to support you in becoming a happier person and who you can give that support to as well.
5. Go into the wild. Nature can be highly therapeutic, and it can be as simple as taking your lunch hour to go outside for a walk or sitting on your back porch listening to the birds.
As a society, we’re constantly tuned into something, scrolling away on our phones or typing furiously at our jobs. So, stepping out among the trees and wild animals can help disconnect from the information overload we experience daily, and reconnect you to your inner world. For me, this is where my soul is nourished.
6. Make your home comfortable. Too much clutter anywhere isn’t good, and to work through these steps, you’ll want to land in a spot where you feel comfortable and relaxed. My husband and I have this ritual when we are done working for the day, where we make our home “homey”. This entails lighting candles, putting on fairy lights that we have on trees in our living room and lighting up these little geeky Pixel Pals we have sprinkled through our bookcases. It sets the vibe for the night and just feels…like home to us.
7. Practice gratitude. Practicing gratitude can bring light to your positive emotions, reduce stress, and help you on the journey to discovering your inner world. It doesn’t have to be a grandiose display of gratefulness. It can be something minor, like being thankful a butterfly landed on your hand or saying, “thanks” to someone holding the door open for you. Every day I like to write down at least three things that I am grateful for. For me, when I have gone through difficult times, looking back at all that I am grateful for has helped me feel hopeful about the future – even when it is uncertain.
