It is human nature to seek acceptance from others. When others validate us, we feel connected to humankind and that feels good. What trips us up is when we look for external validation so that we feel worthy or valuable. Depending on someone else to validate us or our ideas so that we feel good about ourselves is like trying to fit a square peg in a round hole. No matter how hard you try, it will never happen. Knowing our self-worth is an inside job and it can only come from us. How others see us should just be icing on the cake.
Remember these two things when you feel yourself tying your self-worth to other people and their actions:
- Other people’s actions often have very little to do with you. Let go of taking their actions or words as something personal because it literally could have been for a million different reasons.
- Restate your value to yourself. When I have screwed something up at work, I have felt incompetent and that others might see me as a fraud. I literally have to dial it back and tell myself that it was an honest mistake and remind myself of what I learned from this. Then I remind myself of who I am, the value I bring to my job and others and that what I have to offer is irreplaceable. Then getting stressed out about this little blip on the radar seems silly.
Also, here’s a little friendly reminder of the things that do not determine your value as a human being:
- How others value you
- What you look like or your age
- Whether or not you are in a relationship
- Number of friends you have
- Type of job you have
- Amount of money you make
- Whether or not someone else appreciates your kindness or help
- Social media likes and followers
