The things that tend to break our hearts also give us clarity. Throughout our lives, romantic relationships and friends will come and go, we will experience loss of loved ones and all sorts of tragedies.
When I was diagnosed with cancer, I became very aware that the kind of treatment I needed to have to survive would come at a great price. I was diagnosed young but would need to be on medication for years to ensure my survival. It also that meant that it would be impossible for me to carry a child to term without serious consequences to the baby while on that medication. To be honest, out of all of heartbreak of finding out that I had cancer, nothing broke my heart more than knowing that it was unlikely that I will ever become pregnant. Growing up all I wanted to be was a mom.
The thing is, before my diagnosis, I always that I would have the time to get pregnant. We all think we will have time, yet we use time the worst. We put things off because we believe we will have enough time. Someday I will travel the country. Someday I will go into business for myself. Someday I will have a child.
But before you know it, time has passed. And as they say, tomorrow is promised to no one.
You see, “someday” is a disease that will take your dreams to the grave with you. Life is happening now. All we really ever have is right now. We can’t wait for “someday”.
The truth is you are never going to be 100% ready to do anything. You can prepare as much as you’d like, but there will always be some kind of variable and curveball that you didn’t account for. Like Lemony Snicket says, “If we wait until we’re ready, we’ll be waiting for the rest of our lives.” And honestly, we cannot afford to live in potential.
While it pained me so much to know that I will likely never be able to carry a baby, I also gained invaluable clarity. While this was a lesson I never wanted to learn, I needed to. I discovered what was really important to me and began to prioritize those things. What once was filed under “someday” or “when I have reached X milestone” became my top priority.
In a previous post, I wrote about how I used to save things for special occasions. What I’ve learned along my journey is that being alive is a special occasion…and I am worthy of reaching for all my dreams, right here, right now, as I am. I refuse to wait for someday.
