My natural impulse is to give to the people I love. I always want to be available to help them out or do something to make them smile. The problem is, sometimes I end up giving too much because the person I am giving to, just takes and takes.
If you are a giver like me, knowing when to set limits for yourself is important. You can’t expect other people to just “get it” and know when they are overstepping or taking advantage of you and stop. If only it worked that way!
A couple of years ago, I wrote a post about how you are not required to set yourself on fire to keep others warm. At the time I wrote it, I had been struggling with feeling guilty when saying no to an unreasonable request from family members. As basic as it sounds, understanding and internalizing the idea that having limits with others and enforcing them became a game changer for me. Â
If you struggle with whether or not you are being “fair” with setting certain limits, ask yourself this question:
If a friend was in your situation and they were debating setting that limit with someone, what would you tell them?
I’m willing to wager you’d believe that they were being fair and reasonable…I bet you would even be proud of them for standing up for themselves. And if that is the case…don’t you deserve the same validation from yourself?
While setting limits can feel scary, choosing not to have them can lead to self-destruction. Seriously. When you don’t have limits or boundaries, the lack of them can cause some serious effects on your mental health, such as:
- Losing the ability to fully understand what you want or need.
- Becoming mentally exhausted and can’t fully show up for other people in your life.
- Having a hard time deciphering what is truly in your best interest.
- Having bursts of anger and frustration and not really understanding why.
- Putting yourself in a vulnerable position to be mentally and emotionally abused, such as someone gaslighting you.
- You find that your mood changes and mirrors what the other person is feeling, instead of holding on to yourself and what you feel.
- You find yourself worrying about what others think of you, rather than focusing on what you think of yourself.
- Becoming more anxious, depressed or just having an overall feeling of emptiness when forced to sit with your own feelings.
You are responsible for setting limits in your life. You are the only one who can determine what they are. Remember, what you allow in your life, will continue. And you have the power to determine how things go.
