Have you ever done something in the moment that you regretted later? Maybe your partner didn’t wash the dishes like you had asked them to, and your temporary feelings of anger cause you to yell at them. Or maybe you were having a great night out, and overcome by positive feelings and you decided to drink and drive.
When we make decisions and take actions based on temporary feelings, we can get into serious trouble later. While those feelings we had may have been temporary, the consequences from our actions may not be.
Temporary feelings are caused by the emotionally charged thoughts flowing through our minds constantly. On an average, human beings have 6,000 thoughts per day. Some of those thoughts have a positive charge, others have a negative one, and some of them are just neutral. These thoughts trigger positive and negative feelings. But with so many thoughts, these feelings are transient. The only ones that stay are the ones we focus on and pay attention to.
If we have a negative thought that evokes a negative feeling, it can be just that easily removed if we want. Of course, this is easier said than done, but the bottom line is that our feelings are temporary. Yet, in the moment, they have the potential to completely consume us because they don’t feel temporary. And that’s when the danger arises – when we make permanent decisions reacting to temporary feelings.
Space Between Stimulus & Reaction
So how can you manage your feelings and your reactions? The key here is to realize that there is space between a situation, or the trigger, and your reaction. And that is where your power lies. A lot of times we think that we can’t control our reactions, and that our reactions are an immediate response to the situation. Sometimes we think “when someone does that, it makes me so angry”. But the truth is, reacting with anger in the immediate is giving your power away. You have a choice to indulge in those feelings and react, or to acknowledge your feelings, accept them, and choose to respond differently.
How to Accept Your Emotions
Choosing to respond in a way that is different from what your emotions are telling you is not about ignoring your feelings. Rather, it is about accepting and acknowledging your emotions. Ask yourself, what are you feeling? Where is the feeling coming from? What triggered it? Asking yourself these questions will help you get in touch with your emotions so that you can feel them and let them flow through you. It will also give you space before you respond.
The 10/10/10 Mental Model Decision Rule
To help you make decisions that align with what you want permanently, use the 10/10/10 mental model decision rule, which is a model that helps with decision-making. Ask yourself these three simple questions for more clarity.
- How will you feel about this decision in ten minutes?
- How will you feel about this decision in ten months?
- How will you feel about this decision in ten years?
Using these three questions will help put the situation in perspective and help you see your feelings from a different angle.
The next time you feel triggered or emotional, challenge yourself to find that space between the situation and your reactions. Lean into that space. Take a deep breath and find control. Accept your temporary emotions and choose your response carefully, rather than making a permanent decision that you might regret later.
