When I first started this blog, many of the quotes I wrote about were similar to this one. And there is so much to be said about self-worth and people in your life who don’t see your value. What I love about this one, though, is that it highlights personal growth. Once you begin to believe in your own worth, you find it harder to be around those who do not. And presumptively, you make the choice to not to spend your time with those who don’t appreciate you. You don’t fight with them to see your value anymore. You just move on.
When we don’t see our own worth, we tend to look to others for that validation. Ironically, we often pick partners who offer us inconsistent praise and love. So we end up in a vicious cycle of chasing the validation, only to get it inconsistently – which keeps us coming back. In an earlier post, I wrote about how you might fall into this kind of dynamic, and what you can do to fix it. You can read it here.
In high school, I had an older boyfriend who everyone thought was cool. He was out of school already, very attractive, came from money and drove around in a cherry red convertible. He would pick me up from high school and when he would pull up the curb, everyone would look at us. It was beyond strange.
He also treated me like utter shit. Not only was he possessive, he was constantly flirting with other girls, and he became abusive in every way imaginable. The short-lived relationship was a nightmare that took a long time to heal from.
One of the things that really made me see that this guy didn’t value me or appreciate me was a reality check from several of my guy friends and several of his friends. Some of his own friends told me I needed to end the relationship because he was so crazy. Talking with my male friends made me realize that I had lost sight of my value in that relationship. I realized that I had a lot to offer and this guy was not worth the abuse and drama.
After the relationship ended, I spent some time being single. I had just entered my senior year in high school, and I wanted to take the time to understand myself and what I really wanted to do with my life. I also wanted to build my self-esteem so I wouldn’t find myself in another relationship like my last one.
I wish I could tell you that I learned my value senior year and didn’t settle for relationships with people who didn’t see my worth after that. But that simply wouldn’t be true. We lose sight of our value from time to time. I wrote about my experience hustling after my own worthiness as a young adult. You can read it here.
I think we all fall into this trap sometimes. And when we do, we just have to regroup, pick ourselves back up again and remind ourselves of how worthy and valuable we are. And when we do that, it will be hard for us to stay around the people who don’t value us.
