While emotional support is beneficial in our relationships, when one is overly dependent on another, it creates an unhealthy, ineffective dynamic. Not only is it an unfair burden to place on someone else, but it can also make the person who is too dependent being in a constant state of insecurity, which can create a lot of unintended drama.
Emotional dependency can happen in all kinds of relationships, not just romantic. A person with emotional dependence, turns to others, to meet all their emotional needs. It would be a tall order to fill for anyone. But because they lack the ability to handle their own feelings, they turn to others in hopes of regulating them.
One major feature of an emotionally dependent person is an intense fear of abandonment. This can create a lot of instability in the relationship, because the fear is fueled by immense insecurity. This is when you may see your partner become more controlling. They get this way because they are trying to make sure you don’t abandon them or so that they feel more secure in the relationship. The problem is that receiving any kind of reassurance and security from an external source, is very short lived.
For the person who is emotionally dependent on someone, they are in a constant state of being on an emotional rollercoaster. Since their mood regulation is dependent on how someone else behaves, they hit really high highs and really low lows. They may even feel like the other person is the one creating the rollercoaster ride. For emotionally dependent person, this ride can feel more like life or death because so much is at stake.
The road to recovery from being too emotionally dependent on others is a long one, but well worth it. Rediscovering who you are and your own interests and preferences can be very helpful along your journey. It will help you understand yourself better and learn how to manage your own feelings. If you struggle with knowing who you are or what you are interested in, I wrote a post about how you can rediscover yourself that you can find here.
Working with a therapist can also help you get to the root of your insecurities and fears. They can help you understand why you are externally focused and help you gain mastery of turning inward for the security you seek. They can also work with you to start rebuilding your self-esteem. In no time you can be moving closer to relationship dynamics that empower you, rather than leave you feeling powerless.
