Have you ever tried to distract yourself when you are sad? Maybe you schedule a lunch with friends, or you throw yourself at work. When something happens that makes you feel a negative emotion, you get busy.
If that is you, you might be using busyness as a coping mechanism to deal with unresolved feelings and trauma.
What is Trauma?
Trauma, is an event or series of events that causes “a lot of stress.” Symptoms trauma survivors may exhibit can include anxiety, depression, or suicidal thoughts.
You might think “I don’t have trauma, nothing incredibly bad happened to me.” However, trauma doesn’t only include victims of violent abuse or children who grew up in dysfunctional homes.
Not feeling accepted, heard, or loved for our true selves as children can result in trauma. A slightly strict parent, feeling like you had to earn love through good grades, or not being able to express your true emotions can result in trauma. For a child, these situations can instill the belief that they aren’t worthy.
This is where staying busy becomes a trauma response. The busier you are, the less time you have to think about your feelings of unworthiness or rejection. You can avoid dealing with your feelings because you have filled your day with endless to-do lists. As a result, staying busy becomes a band aid, rather than a medicine.
Signs You Are Using Busyness as a Coping Mechanism
- Your calendar is full
- You are always going out or being social
- Others mention how busy you seem
- It’s difficult to slow down
- You are exhausted
Healthier Coping Mechanisms
Feel your feelings. You can do this a variety of ways; you can simply carve out time to feel your feelings, gently reminding yourself that you don’t need to think about the negative feelings outside the time. Another way to feel your feelings is to write about them. Creating a consistent journaling practice is especially helpful and can be extremely therapeutic. Additionally, you can channel your feelings into art, whether it is painting, a sculpture, or something else. And finally, you can talk about your feelings. Whether you talk about them out loud to yourself or with a loved one, someone who is trustworthy and supportive, talking can help you feel much lighter. You can also talk to a therapist, which has additional benefits such as learning other healthy ways of processing your trauma.
Slowing Down
So, how can we cope with the habit of busyness as a trauma response? Here are a few simple ways to break the cycle of constantly hustling.
Prioritize Rest
Practice saying no to extra work, commitments, and plans, and focus on prioritizing rest. Remind yourself that it is okay to do nothing. It can feel scary, but it’s good; it’s an opportunity to help you face your emotions and process them, rather than running away from them.
Face Your Feelings
Like I said before, face your feelings not only to process your past trauma but to ensure each day’s new emotions and challenges are processed instead of remaining stuck.
Prioritize Self-Care
It’s crucial to prioritize self-care in order to avoid burnout. The good news is that self-care doesn’t have to be difficult or take a lot of time. Self-care can range from getting a massage to just ensuring you are drinking enough water. Some ways to practice self-care are exercising, eating healthy, meditating, talking to a friend, setting healthy boundaries in relationships, choosing positive thoughts, or treating yourself to a relaxing cup of coffee without your phone. Whatever you choose, start taking care of yourself more.
Be Patient
Depending on how long you have been using busyness to avoid facing your feelings, it can take some time to unlearn this behavior and stop feeling like you are doing something wrong. You might feel guilty for not doing something productive, or you might feel as if time is running out and you need to catch up. Remember, be patient with yourself as you unlearn this coping mechanism and adopt new, healthier ones.
Consider how you feel when you aren’t doing something. Do you feel comfortable to sit with your feelings? If not, make an action plan to process any unresolved feelings. Whether you journal or talk to a therapist, facing your feelings is the only way to effectively heal your wounds.
