Have you ever felt like something was holding you back from being successful, but you couldn’t figure out what it was? Sometimes we hold ourselves back from reaching our goals, whether we are aware of it or not. “Life is too short to spend it at war with yourself,” is a quote that addresses how we must overcome self-sabotage to make the most of the life we have.
What Is Self-Sabotage?
Self-sabotage occurs when we hinder our own ability to succeed by doing things that actively prevent us from reaching our goals. Self-sabotage, also known as behavioral dysregulation, can be conscious or unconscious.
An example of conscious self-sabotage is someone wanting to get a new job but consciously not answering companies that reach out to them.
An example of unconscious self-sabotage is someone procrastinating on an important business project because they are afraid of failing.
Why Do We Self-Sabotage?
According to Postivepsychology.com, there are five main reasons that people self-sabotage:
- Modeling – Some people learn self-sabotaging behaviors from adults they observed when they were a child.
- Rejection – Children who are rejected can lack self-confidence and have difficulty with relationships by avoiding vulnerability.
- Trauma – People who have experienced trauma tend to feel unsafe taking risks to get what they want in life.
- Maladaptive Behaviors – Behaviors that were once beneficial in a person’s life can become damaging to a person’s success.
- Approach-Avoidance Conflict – Self-sabotage occurs when the perceived threats outweigh the person’s desire to achieve a certain goal.
How to Stop Being at War with Yourself
If you recognize that self-sabotage is preventing you from reaching your goals and chasing your dreams, the good news is that there are some ways you can combat self-sabotaging behaviors.
Identify the Cause and the Behavior
A great place to start is by examining why you are self-sabotaging. Look through the five main reasons listed above and think about what might be leading you to be at war with yourself.
Once you have an idea of the cause, focus on identifying the specific behaviors that are preventing you from achieving your goals. Knowing what needs to change is key to helping you overcome those behaviors.
Positive Self-Talk
Self-sabotage tends to occur when self-confidence and self-esteem are low. Positive self-talk is the practice of challenging negative thoughts and turning them into positive thoughts. When our thoughts are more positive, we feel more capable and willing to go after what we want in life.
Avoid Thinking Like a Perfectionist
Perfectionistic thinking is detrimental to goal progress. Perfectionism makes people overthink every step towards their larger goal, and this overthinking extends the time it takes to reach goals, sometimes indefinitely.
It is important to take on a growth mindset and not be afraid of your work being imperfect. The small details will work themselves out in the future. The ability to make mistakes and not instantaneously feel defeated is important for achieving goals. Learning from these mistakes will help you grow and will allow you to confront issues like the ones you faced.
Focus on the Smaller Steps
Focusing on the big picture can be scary, and the fear of failure has a big influence on self-sabotaging behaviors. If you focus on the smaller steps needed to reach your larger goal, you’ll feel less overwhelmed and more likely to allow yourself to go after that goal.
The truth is, when you learn to stop self-sabotaging, you’ll find that reaching your goals and getting what you truly want out of life becomes much easier. Life is too short to be spend it at war with yourself. You deserve to be happy.
