Relationships can be challenging because we are all such unique individuals, with vastly different viewpoints, beliefs, and perspectives. No matter how much we might have in common with our spouses, partners, friends, and colleagues, conflicts are inevitable, and disagreements will happen, even when we do our best to get along with everyone.
However, the manner in which these conflicts are handled by each party reveals whether the relationship is healthy or detrimental. In a healthy relationship, people can disagree respectfully without resorting to personal attacks. They strive to build each other up, support each other, and work together to resolve conflicts, rather than trying to tear down or hurt each other. If you are unsure about what a healthy relationship looks like, I wrote about it extensively here.
In order for a relationship to truly thrive, both parties must be willing to work on it together. If one person is willing and the other is not, the relationship cannot continue to grow. It will stagnate and become more dysfunctional as time goes on.
The decision to leave an unhealthy relationship is never easy. But sometimes it’s the greatest gift that you can give to yourself, especially if your mental and emotional health are being negatively affected.
At times it can be difficult to tell if a relationship is worth saving, or if it’s time to move on. If you’re not sure, you might ask yourself some questions like these: “Does the other person treat me with respect, or do they more often try to tear me down, belittle me, or treat me like I don’t matter? Do they seem to genuinely care about me as much as I care about them? Do they communicate with me honestly, or do they repeatedly lie to me? Do their actions back up their promises, or do they keep letting me down? Are they willing to work on improving the relationship, or do they keep avoiding the issues?”
Once you start looking closer at the behaviors of the other person, it becomes clearer whether they are truly invested in the relationship or not. And if you realize that they are not, you might decide that it’s time to finally let it go and move on. This decision will likely bring up all kinds of feelings, including sadness, loss, anger, and even the fear that you might never find someone who will treat you better. And when I think of this fear, I think of a friend of mine who felt the same way when she broke up with her boyfriend of over 10 years.
She is a fitness model, absolutely stunning and even more beautiful on the inside. She is an old soul at heart and went through a horrible breakup with her boyfriend. They had a business together and she thought that he would propose after all their time together, but the relationship ended abruptly. She discovered some things that forced her to make the tough decision to break it off. And for over a year or so, she went through a lot of heartache and a long journey of rediscovering herself.
A couple of years later, she met a man who is truly perfect for her. He embraces her quirky personality, absolutely adores her and they are a true team. He proposed quickly to her, unlike her ex who she had been dating for 10+ years, because he didn’t “want her to get away.” He is secure with himself and is willing to be vulnerable at times. They truly complement each other. They are now married, and she is happier than she has ever been or thought she could be.
So give yourself time to work through these feelings, and remind yourself that in order to receive love and respect from others, you must first give that love and respect to yourself. Say to yourself often, “I deserve to be loved and respected, and I choose to love and respect myself.” You may not truly believe those words when you first begin saying them, but over time and with enough repetition you will come to feel their truth.
As your sense of self-love grows stronger and deeper, you will feel a sense of empowerment rising up within you, so that you are no longer willing to settle for unsatisfying relationships or mistreatment from other people. That inner strength and confidence will then begin attracting the kinds of people who will truly respect you and actually be interested in building a healthy, lasting connection with you. And remember, sometimes things have to completely fall apart to fall into place.
