To burn a bridge means to leave a person or relationship behind – to let them go. Sometimes, people burn bridges by promising to do something and failing to follow through on their promise. This is especially true when something they are doing affects you, and they promise they will change their behavior.
For instance, when someone constantly borrows money from you with the promise to pay it back, but then never pays it back. Eventually, you’re going to stop loaning them money. Or if someone is super critical of you, but they promise they are going to change but never actually do. Eventually you have to think of your mental and emotional well-being and cut your losses.
Other times, the people burning the bridge do not recognize that is what they are doing. This is because sometimes their own toxic behavior and dysfunction is normal to them. They somehow feel justified in their actions, and it does not cross their minds that they have crossed a line or burned a bridge. To them, they haven’t treated you poorly at all or if they have, it is because you did something to deserve it.
When you have had enough of their constant negativity or criticism, their toxic way of talking to you or feeling like you make way more deposits and investments into your relationship than they do, they cannot understand what happened and wonder why you no longer come around. The truth is, some people are holding serious grudges against you for the shit that they did.
Remember, people will take you for granted as long as you let them. We teach people how to treat us. Some people will use you and abuse you until you say “No more.” They will suck the life out of you and wonder why you are frustrated with them.
At that point, it doesn’t matter if they understand why you no longer want to be around them. If they are too blind to see how they treat you in the first place, chances are they are not going to understand why you left. These people typically will find a way to blame you for it anyway. Again, their dysfunction is normal to them, and they lack self-awareness to see that their behavior may be the problem. And if you try to assert any kind of boundaries with them or try to have a reasonable conversation, somehow you end up being the bad guy.
What should you do when a bridge is burned in a relationship? First of all, realize that just because a bridge is burned does not mean there has to be animosity. You don’t have to be enemies. You can still want good for them. But that doesn’t mean that they have to still have a place in your life.
Next, explain to them what has caused the break in the relationship and why you feel it is better for you to move on. You can do this diplomatically, making it about what is bestyou’re your mental health, without putting all the blame on them.
Lastly, remember that some bridges do not need to be rebuilt if they just take you back to something you need to leave behind. Don’t look back. Look to the future. Walking away from a bad situation is hard, but so is staying in it.
