In The Sopranos, Tony reminds Richie Aprile (another gangster) that, “Those who want respect, give respect.”
This seems like an obvious morsel of wisdom, but people tend to forget it. The easiest way to earn respect from anyone, is to give it. Sometimes we tend to focus on the respect we believe we deserve, that we don’t honestly examine our own behaviors. Are we showing others respect, too? Are we behaving in an honorable and fair?
When you are in a conversation that has the potential to get heated, here are some ways you can show respect:
1. Actively listen. Listen with a curious heart and interest in really understanding what they are trying to say. Don’t wait to talk or be thinking about how you will respond to what they just said. Be present and take it all in. Then take a minute to digest it all before responding.
2. Affirm what the person said. Reinforce and validate their opinions and achievements. That can look like, “I can tell from everything you just said you’ve really thought about this. I always appreciate your perspective on these kinds of issues.”
3. Empathize with their perspective. You don’t have to agree with someone’s opinion to respect it. Be curious about why they believe what they believe. You might learn something new that challenges your own thinking.
4. Be respectful when disagreeing. Don’t resort to insults just because you don’t agree with them. They have a right to believe whatever they want to believe, just like you do. You can say something like, “We are both obviously passionate about this topic and you have some great points. I just see things differently.”
5. Apologize if needed. I know some people who refuse to apologize, for even minor things. Apologizing if you were wrong and owning up to your mistakes goes a long way in people’s eyes. Don’t make excuses for it or try to change their opinion on what happened. Offer a genuine apology and suggest a plan on how you can avoid the same situation in the future.
