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Nothing hurts a good soul and kind heart more than to live amongst people who can’t understand it.

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It’s a painful fact of life that not everyone will understand or appreciate you for who you are. During these moments, you may be tempted to try to be more like others so you will fit in. But that’s not an effective long-term solution because it’s virtually impossible to make genuine connections with others while pretending to be someone you’re not. As a result, you end up feeling even more isolated and alone, no matter how many people are around you.

Feeling chronically misunderstood can even drag you down into a much darker place where you begin to question your own value as a human being. You begin to wonder if there is something wrong with you. You may ask yourself why you have to be so different, and why you can’t be more like everyone else. Maybe you even begin to feel ashamed about who you are, which can cause you to withdraw and feel even more lonely and isolated.

During times like these, it’s important to avoid internalizing the close-minded behavior of other people. The reality is, there is no way to know for sure what’s really going on in their minds. They might be laboring under stereotypical beliefs that lead them to make false assumptions about you. They might be unfairly grouping you in with other people that they dislike, for any number of unknown reasons. Or maybe they simply feel uncomfortable because they have never met anyone like you before.

Regardless of their reasons, it can help to do these three things whenever you feel misunderstood:

First, forgive the other people for misunderstanding you. It’s easy to feel hurt and angry when you have been rejected, especially if they have been blatantly unkind to you in the process. But remind yourself that their ignorance and close-mindedness is hurting them far more than it will ever hurt you. Accept the fact that not everyone will “get you,” or appreciate or like you. Let it be okay that you just won’t click with everyone. Even better, remind yourself that they are probably not the kind of people with whom you would want to forge a closer relationship, anyway.

Next, practice radical self-acceptance as much as you can. Don’t let anyone try to convince you that there is anything wrong with you, or that you are lacking in any way. Remind yourself that it’s not your responsibility to make other people feel comfortable. You don’t have the ability to change anyone’s perception of you, and you certainly shouldn’t have to change yourself to please them. Work on developing an unshakable, healthy love and acceptance for yourself, no matter what other people think about you.

Finally, seek and connect with people who will love and appreciate you. Look for people who share your quirky sense of humor, or your daring fashion sense, or your passion for obscure music and art. Join some groups or start your own. Visit places where your ideal friends would most likely gather and start making connections. Simply by daring to be authentic and open, you will attract many more people who will appreciate and love you for who you are.

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