When it comes to the accumulation of things, it’s often true that we want the feelings that are associated with the thing more than the thing itself. In our quest to feel happy or confident, we will buy things we think will make us feel that way. And they might in the beginning, but those feelings are temporary at best.
There’s nothing wrong with buying things you need or even want. But when you find yourself buying things because you are convinced it will make you feel more confident or happy, it’s time to re-evaluate your strategy. Or, if you find yourself doing it to impress other people. The wisdom of Tyler Durden rings true: “We buy things we don’t need, to impress people we don’t like.”
I can’t tell you how much money I have spent over the years on beauty products that I really thought would make me feel more confident. In the immediate, maybe I did feel a little more confident, but it quickly faded away. My makeup looked great, but I didn’t feel so great on the inside.
Understanding your true motivations will help you determine what you are really looking for when you consider purchases. Maybe you really need the item or just want it because you’ve been dying to get that Millennium Falcon Lego set (with the lighting kit, thank you very much!) for quite some time now. And that’s totally fine. But if you are looking to fulfill your emotional needs through these things, again, it’s time to consider what you are really wanting to feel.
Case in point. When I was in high school, one of my best guy friends was dating this older girl. She didn’t like me in the least. I tried to befriend her, because I thought it was the right thing to do, considering he was my friend.
She wasn’t a happy person at all, though. She cared a lot about image, as in only wearing designer clothes, and she seemed to look down on other people who didn’t wear the same kind of clothes. I didn’t get his attraction to her because she wasn’t very nice and there was always some kind of drama going on.
One day my friend called me and asked me if I wanted to go to a wedding with him. I laughed and asked about his girlfriend. I think by then he was getting sick of her personality. He sighed and said, “I just think I would have a better time with you.” He went on to say that I didn’t care about status and expensive things like she did, and he would have a better time with me. Since he was still dating her, I politely said no because I didn’t want to get involved in drama. But this quote makes me think of her. And I wonder what kind of feeling she was looking to feel from all those things. She certainly wasn’t happy, and she seemed to feel threatened by my friendship with him…so who knows.
But let’s take a look at five reasons why we can’t buy feelings:
1. Feelings are temporary. Yes, you might feel excitement and happiness the moment you can call something yours. But that feeling will quickly vanish. Once the excitement wears off, it will feel like just another item. If you want the feelings, you’re better off harnessing them within or connecting with others than invoking them through items.
2. You will never be satisfied. Once you buy something and get excitement from it, and then that feeling wears off, you’ll look for it again. It’s a cycle that makes you a hamster on a wheel. You’ll never be satisfied because you’ll always want the next best thing. And in our current culture, there is always something bigger and better to buy.
3. Happiness is about doing. Happiness isn’t about buying. It’s about doing. It comes from doing the things that you love. It comes from passion, adventure, and the journey. When you pursue your passions, that is how long-lasting happiness thrives.
4. Money can’t buy friendship. At least not genuine friendship. And friendship is the true bread and butter of life. A good friendship and happy family are something you have to work for. Although relationships are not the only source of happiness in life, they are undoubtedly correlated.
5. Buying something does not provide a purpose. Most people desire to find a purpose for their lives. They want to do something that has meaning. Money and buying things can give you security, freedom, and a path to reach some of your goals, but it does not provide you with purpose.
