We have enormous capacity for change. I love watching transformation stories. They inspire me as I see someone who acted. There is a common theme in so many of them.
It goes back to something Tony Robbins says. “Change happens when the pain of staying the same is greater than the pain of change.”
It’s a powerful quote. If you’re like me, you’re thinking of a situation where you felt that way. Those people from the transformation stories felt that way too. What’s more remarkable is how many facets of life this quote applies to.
Romantic Relationships
Millions of people are currently in unhappy relationships. Often this is because they’re afraid of the unknown. They know what they have. And on some level, they have accepted it. They cannot conceive what life would be like if it’s gone. For them, the pain of change is too great.
As humans, we love to be comfortable and are happy with familiarity. But this causes us to stay inside our comfort zones even when it’s hurting us. And as you know, we don’t grow at all in our comfort zones.
I have a friend who stayed too long in an unhealthy relationship. She met a man who swept her off her feet. She moved more than a thousand miles to be with him. But he was too controlling. And his negativity dulled this vibrant woman.
For years, the pain of change overwhelmed the pain of staying. Until one day it all changed. He had been travelling for a business trip. And when he returned, she had moved out. She saw a chance for a better life. And the idea of spending more time in a place where she was miserable was scarier to her than leaving was.
Personal Growth
My friend’s story is hardly unique. But I want to touch on our own individual struggles.
We often need to feel some trauma to prompt us to change. Sometimes that occurs within a relationship. However, relationships can distract us from our own issues. And they too make it harder for us to change.
What we need in that moment is clarity. People set up buffers that shield them from pain. However, that pain is what enables us to grow. More importantly, it enables us to create our best self.
There is an old story that illustrates this point. It may even be true. An old violin maker made the most prized instruments of his age. Customers sought him out due to the soulful tones his violins produced. He took on an apprentice who worked for many years in the shop. But the old master was the one who harvested the wood.
The apprentice tried his hand at building a comparable instrument. But he could never perfect the sound. Something was wrong with the wood. And so one day, he secretly followed the old master. The younger man watched as his teacher selected wood from the most gnarled trees. Wind and cold had twisted the boughs.
They looked ugly. But these trees were the secret. The young man could feel the difference just from touch. And when he crafted the violin, it produced that beautiful sound.
We grow when we face our pain. Like these trees, our best self is built on our hardships. That’s why this quote resonates with me. The trees cannot move on, but we can. And we should.
