As we go through life, people are going to come and go at various stages. Our best friend in first grade becomes a faded photograph in the school yearbook. Our first crush becomes an old handwritten note in the middle of a Chemistry notebook. Each season of life brings us people, and while some stay in our lives, a lot of them go.
As we think about people who have left us, we can get caught up in the nostalgia and begin to feel upset. Perhaps there was someone who you truly believed would be a part of your life forever. But life is all about change, and the faster we can accept that, the more we can be at peace.
Here are 5 things to remember when someone you hoped would stick around leaves your life.
1. Don’t take it personally. People come and go, but that isn’t a reflection of your worth or who you are. People grow and change. Sometimes people are just meant to come into our lives for a short time, to share some beautiful experiences or to teach us a lesson. Even if they don’t stay in our lives as long as we hoped, it doesn’t mean that we can’t learn from them or be grateful for the shared experiences. Keep the memories alive by enjoying them rather than feeling hurt that the person is no longer in your life. When you do this, you can be at peace with letting them go.
2. The number of people in your life doesn’t matter. Quality is more important than quantity and your relationships are proof of that. You can have hundreds of people that you know, but that won’t make you happier. True relationships add meaning to our lives. So even if you just have a few people in your life, if you can count on them, you have a lot more than many others.
3. Rely on yourself. As people come and go, you learn that you have to rely on yourself. You become stronger as you realize that you are the only constant. You are the sole decision maker in your life.
So if you want to start a business, don’t wait around for someone to magically appear in your life to help you. If you want to travel, don’t wait to find someone who you can travel with. Take action, rely on yourself, and when you walk your own path, you will find the right people along the way.
4. Don’t be externally focused. People can be nice, fun, and entertaining, but that doesn’t mean they will always be in our lives. When we are externally focused when pursuing happiness, our mental point of origin is on someone else. We cannot control this person and they have their own journey that they need to discover. Don’t allow yourself to become outcome dependent on another person.
5. Don’t change to please others. There are over 7 billion people in the world, and it is impossible to please every single one. What makes you likable is your “you-ness”. So don’t change just to please others, because people will come and go. If you keep changing to please others, you will keep growing distant from your true self. Instead, stay true to yourself so that no matter who comes or goes from your life, you know who you are, and you don’t have to keep changing. Plus, the right people in your life would never require or desire for you to change who you are.
Remember, as people come and go, perhaps the most important lesson to remember is that life is fleeting. Stay in the present moment and enjoy it to the fullest without feeling bad about people who are no longer part of your life. Enjoy the presence of the people around you right now, while accepting that they may not be there forever. And that’s okay. Embrace the magic of the transience of life and relationships.
