At the end of Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone, Dumbledore tallies up all the points each House has received throughout the year to win the House Cup. Gryffindor is in last place until Dumbledore issues some last minute points that have been awarded to Harry, Ron and Hermione, due to “recent events” that he feels must be taken into account. This makes them tied with Slytherin for the House Cup. But then Dumbledore says, “It takes a great deal of bravery to stand up to your enemies. But a great deal more to stand up to your friends” and awards 10 points to Neville Longbottom, making Gryffindor House the winner of the House Cup.
Dumbledore’s wisdom holds true. It is much easier to stand up to people who you don’t like or who disagree with you. But it takes more bravery to stand up to the people you love.
Think about times you wanted to confront a friend or family member about something they were doing that you felt was destructive or wrong. Sometimes it’s hard to muster the courage to have those difficult conversations because there is so much more at stake should things go sideways.
While it’s understandable that you would avoid having the tough conversations, you might want to reconsider. Think about it like this. Say for example, you are concerned with a friend’s drinking and them engaging in risky behaviors while intoxicated. It causes you great worry, but you choose to remain silent because you don’t want to hurt their feelings or offend them. But then one day they get into car accident and hurt themselves and others because they were under the influence.
Now obviously, it isn’t your fault that this happened. People make bad choices all the time and they are responsible for those choices. And there’s a good chance that even if you did have a conversation with them about their drinking, they may have still made the choice to drive while intoxicated. But will it weigh on your conscience afterwards that maybe what you would have had to say about it would have made a difference? Only you can answer that.
In the past, I avoided having the tough conversations because I didn’t want conflict or to hurt someone’s feelings. And it weighed on my heavily and ate me up inside at times. Remember, if you avoid the conflict to keep the peace, you start a war inside yourself.
Now, having experienced what happens when you don’t speak up, I handle things differently. I’m not at all afraid to have honest, tough conversations. And people know that they can count on me to be the one who will just say what other people are thinking or speak an unpleasant truth if it needs to be said. And my reasoning behind being this way now is that I see these conversations as an opportunity for me to strengthen my relationships with the people I care about it. I go about it in a validating and affirming way, but I will say what needs to be said. And through the years, the people in my life have trusted me more and opened up to me because I am honest and up front.
Are there people you are close to that you feel you need to stand up to?
