Fear of judgment is probably one of the most crippling fears people struggle with daily. It starts in school and sometimes never goes away, especially for those who were bullied.
The truth is that every single person you know is struggling in some way with their own self-love. Everyone has self-doubts and insecurities to deal with, and these thoughts can be very distracting.
Imagine you are at a party and you’re feeling insecure. When you say hi to someone, you nearly forget their name because you’re thinking about if you have a piece of spinach stuck in your teeth and how embarrassing that would be if they saw it when you smiled at them. The people around you often have very similar experiences. In this example, it’s clear that the negative thoughts in your head make it harder for you to notice any physical or personality flaws in the other person because you’re too focused on yourself. The people you encounter are experiencing the same thing, too.
Even if you did something embarrassing or something that might leave a bad taste in someone’s mouth, you would likely focus on it longer than anyone else. It’s easy to feel guilt or shame around a specific experience for a long time after it happens, but rest assured, most of the time, people have already forgotten about it. And if they haven’t, just remember that they’re not perfect either. No one is perfect. We are all humans that make mistakes, and that’s okay.
The secret to a happy life is to build confidence and compassion in tandem. Confidence to proudly walk in your own shoes and a big enough heart to not judge others just like you wouldn’t want to be judged. Here are three quick tips for having faith in yourself and empathy for others.
1. Practice forgiveness. Forgiveness goes both ways. You need to be able to forgive other people and forgive yourself for things you’ve done. Remember, forgiving others isn’t always about them––forgiveness is a gift you give to yourself. It’s about letting go and moving on. Forgiveness also doesn’t mean you need to allow someone to stay in your life.
2. Have a growth mindset. Instead of avoiding challenges, difficult conversations, or awkward situations, face them head-on with a growth mindset. See them as opportunities for you to learn something. If you let your ego take charge, you will meet these challenges from a defensive place. This will only create more stress, drama and it will ultimately stunt your own growth.
3. Stop negative thoughts in their tracks. Be mindful of the negative thoughts you have about yourself. This can be tricky, because a lot of these thoughts might be running on auto pilot. Challenge your own beliefs about yourself. When you have a negative thought about yourself, train your brain to look for positive things to balance it out. Counter the negative thought with two to three things you like about yourself.
