Dysfunction tends to run in cycles, repeating over and over until one courageous person decides to make a change. Perhaps you have been aware of dysfunctional patterns in your own family, your workplace, social circles, and even in society and government. These cycles are often revealed by the subtle things that people say about them, such as, “That’s just how it is in our family.” “That’s the way we’ve always done it.” “The system is broken.”
When you recognize a destructive cycle in any area of your life, see it as an opportunity to affect positive change. Pause and ask yourself, “How might I start doing things differently?” You may not feel exceedingly confident about breaking the cycle at first, especially if you suspect that it could trigger resistance or anger in other people, but remember that breaking a cycle doesn’t always have to mean tearing down and rebuilding the entire system at once.
Instead, consider smaller actions that you could take to get the ball rolling in the right direction. For example, if your relationship with your immediate family members has always been somewhat closed off or emotionally repressed, you could take the first step in forging deeper bonds by sending a quick note to several of your loved ones and expressing your appreciation for them. Tell them why you love and appreciate them, and why you’re glad that they are a part of your life. You may be surprised when some of them actually open up and respond back to you in kind.
If your workplace is often a hub for gossip and rumors, you might decide to be the person who is suddenly too busy to engage in the activity any longer. You don’t need to make a public announcement about it, just simply break the cycle for yourself and withdraw from the activity rather than continuing to perpetuate it. Again, you might be pleasantly surprised when other people decide to follow in your footsteps.
Beyond breaking destructive cycles, you can also make it your mission to create beneficial new cycles in all areas of your life. These positive cycles can be modest, yet powerful. For example, start a new cycle of complimenting a minimum of three people every day, or smiling and greeting the people you meet in your daily travels. Start a new cycle of beautifying your community or volunteering your time to organizations that are trying to create positive change in the world.
If you encounter resistance along the way, simply remind yourself that most people resist change at first. Even if that change is positive overall, and they do this simply because it’s uncomfortable and unfamiliar. Lasting changes don’t usually happen overnight, but if enough people get involved and persist in moving forward, their small efforts can create a movement that gains massive momentum, and the old cycle will finally be broken for good.
Until then, be satisfied with small changes. Do only what you can do, and lead by example. It won’t be long before other people notice and become inspired by your courage and tenacity.
