Would you consider yourself to be a good listener? Do you give your full attention to people while they’re speaking, or do you sometimes end up missing part of the conversation because you’re distracted or focusing on what you’re going to say next?
It’s a sad fact that most of us are not taught how to be good listeners. We may be taught the importance of staying quiet and waiting our turn while we allow others to speak, but there is much more to being a good listener than that. Good listening skills are crucial in forming healthy, meaningful connections with others, in both personal and business settings. If your listening skills are unrefined, other people might see you as rude, disrespectful, overbearing, or uncaring.
Sprucing up your listening skills is actually quite easy to do. The first important step is to make it your goal to treat other people with the same respect that you like to receive. Think about the way you feel when someone keeps interrupting you, or if they seem distracted while you’re trying to speak to them. If you have ever experienced that, you know how frustrating it can be, so do your best to avoid doing that to other people. Avoid glancing at your phone or any other distractions in your environment. Give your full attention to the person who is speaking.
As much as possible, refrain from interjecting, including indications of agreement like, “Right,” or “Yes.” Simply listen, and perhaps nod your head to indicate your understanding or agreement. This is more challenging when speaking on the phone, since they can’t see you. In that case, you might occasionally agree by saying, “Mm-hmm,” but try to do this only when there is a pause in the conversation, rather than repeatedly talking over the other person.
Also remember that words are not a complete or perfect form of expression, and sometimes people use words that are misleading or inadequate in communicating their true meaning. You can learn much more by paying close attention to their body language, facial expressions, and tone of voice as they speak.
Being a good listener is much more about discerning what the person is really saying, even beyond the words that they are speaking. What message are they trying to convey to you? Are they asking for your advice or assistance? Are they seeking validation or encouragement? Or do they simply want to be heard and understood?
When the other person has finished speaking, you may want to ask a question or two for further clarification. This not only helps you to understand their message even more completely, but it also demonstrates to them that you were actually listening to them. You can also repeat their message back to them, to be sure you fully understand what they are trying to say.
Doing these simple things will not only help you to develop a deeper understanding of the people in your life, it will help them to feel more accepted, supported, and most of all, respected.
