If we wouldn’t talk to other people the way we talk to ourselves, why is it okay that we talk to ourselves so poorly? After all, the most important relationship we will ever have is the one with ourselves.
A few years ago, I saw a therapist. One of the things we talked about was the fact that I had some people in my life who compounded some of the negative beliefs that I had about myself and my own worthiness. She said that spending so much time with these people, made it harder for me to see the good inside myself. Yeah, your girl had to change some of her people and change it fast.
You can either surround yourself by people who hold you in low regard or you can spend time with people who uplift you and challenge you to become a better version of yourself.
It was a hard lesson, but I learned something. It is okay to remove yourself from people who treat you like your time doesn’t matter, like your feelings are worthless or like your soul is replaceable. Last year I wrote a post all about this, which you can read in full here. But I want to highlight some of the feelings I had about myself at the time that caused me to stay in situations that were harmful to me.
- I give people the benefit of the doubt too much or too many second chances.
- I worry about offending my partner if I stand up for myself.
- I have a hard time recognizing when I am being disrespected. Sometimes it takes someone else pointing it out to me.
- When someone hurts me, instead of setting a boundary with them, I feel like I need to prove my worthiness and why they should value me more.
- When someone hurts me, I need them validate me and my feelings by admitting that they were wrong or disrespectful.
- I don’t even know what respect feels like in a relationship.
- I feel guilty when setting boundaries and worry that I am being unfair. Sometimes I even convince myself that by setting the boundary, I am overreacting.
- I would rather put up with shitty treatment than be alone.
If you can identify with any of those feelings I had, I really get it. Relationships are hard as it is, but when you struggle with seeing your value, it makes them more challenging. And from my experience, you end up attracting people who don’t see your value, either. Which makes being able to see your value much harder.
It is a lot easier to change how you see yourself when you surround yourself with the right people. These are the people that will lift you up, challenge you and be there for you when you need it most. They will accept and value what you have to offer in return as well. And believe me, you be amazed at what you attract when you start believing in what you deserve.
