The present is really all we have right now, yet many of us spend way too much time in both the past and future. We knowing thinking about the present comes from anxiety of what will happen, but what about the past? Why are some of us preoccupied with things that have already happened?
While it is human nature to time travel, prolonged thoughts about things that have already happened are usually fueled by guilt, shock and grief, depression and post-traumatic stress from trauma.
Guilt
Feelings of guilt can have us thinking about something that has happened because we feel like we may have been able to alter the outcome. For example, if you behaved poorly in your marriage and it ended, you may feel bad about how you contributed to its end. I wrote an entire post on how to overcome feelings of guilt about the past. Â
Shock and Grief
We tend to ruminate on things we didn’t see coming. When we struggle to make sense of what happened, we go back to the past to look for clues about how we missed it. We want to be able to connect the dots and see how it happened. We may mind ourselves analyzing our own behavior, wondering about what we could have done to see what was happening and what we may have been able to do to prevent it.
Depression
Depression can cause us to think about the past, too. When you have feelings of depression in the present, you tend to look to the past to make sense of why you are feeling depressed in the present. Because the past has already happened and we can’t change what happened, it tends to make one even more depressed. We are also more prone to see the past in a much harsher light because our perspective is colored by our current emotions.
Post-traumatic Stress
Any kind of trauma from your past can be triggered by things in the present. And sometimes they are innocuous things that you wouldn’t expect to be a trigger. When this happens, you naturally go back to the initial trauma in the past.
How can we move beyond our past?
First, honoring your feelings about it and accepting it as part of your story is important. But remember that these things in your past are just things – they do not define you as a person. They are something that happened, that is all.
If you find yourself time traveling to your past often, ask yourself what is it trying to tell you? What need to you have in the present that is trying to be fulfilled? Are you really seeking forgiveness? Are you seeking closure and acceptance?
In the case of depression and post-traumatic stress fueled rumination about the past, a therapist may be able to help you see what happened from a new perspective. We tend to judge ourselves harshly and lose sight of our own objectivity. A therapist may also be able to help you separate your current feelings and mood from how you view your past and/or trauma.
