When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.

It in our nature to want to give second chances and believe that maybe our first impression was wrong. I am a firm believer in observing patterns in people. Sure, you can definitely get the wrong first impression of someone. But if they consistently show you a bad side of them, you should take note and believe it.

So why do we suspend our disbelief when it comes to witnessing bad behavior in someone? Often it is because we either don’t trust our own judgment or we are dependent on the relationship (whether its romantic or a friendship) working out.

Empaths tend to struggle with this in their relationships. I know this firsthand, because for years I gave people who clearly didn’t deserve it, chance after chance after chance. I wrote a post last year that is one of our most read posts on this blog titled, “Empathy without boundaries is self-destruction”. I go into details about what can happen to your mental health when you don’t set appropriate boundaries with others. I also talk about what healthy empathy looks like. For years I felt like if I even set boundaries with someone I was being mean or unfair. But the truth is, you have to be careful of what you choose to tolerate in your relationships. You teach people how to treat you based on what you are willing to tolerate.

I also wrote a lengthy post about how to recognize mistreatment, which you can find here. It’s a good read because I go into why people can easily confuse healthy intimacy with intensity. Anytime you have a relationship marked with intensity, both people are vulnerable to abuse.

Remember, you have a right to remove yourself from people who treat you like your time doesn’t matter, like your feelings are worthless or like your soul is replaceable.