Anger that makes our blood boil can be a huge motivator. It gets a bad rap for being a ‘bad’ or ‘destructive’ emotion, but sometimes it is needed for us to finally make a change in our life. Anger allows us to understand how we really feel about something. I think it is a neutral feeling. But what we do with our anger can make it destructive.
One of the best quotes I ever heard is: “Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.” Buddha is widely credited with this quote. And like Mark Twain said, “Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.” Think about that for a minute.
When we allow anger to rage inside us, it begins to eat away at us. We may present a happy front, but underneath the surface, our blood is boiling and brewing beneath the surface. Anger and bitterness can change how we see everything. Every time I have held onto anger (no matter how justified I felt it was), it did more damage to me than the person I felt anger towards.
I want to be clear, though, the feeling of anger is healthy and okay. It’s the holding onto it for a long time that does damage to us. And letting go is a process.
When we are having trouble letting go of our anger, it is because we are focused on the wrong things. We are overly focused on what the person did, why they did it, how injured we feel and how can they just “get away” with doing these things.
But here’s the thing, holding onto anger is a punishment we give ourselves for someone else’s choices and behaviors.
Like Master Yoda says, “Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.”
And once we are suffering, we seek out revenge. Regardless if getting revenge is justified, seeking it out corrupts our soul. See, holding onto anger and plotting and scheming another person’s demise might not even work anyway. In our efforts to re-balance the universe by getting justice, revenge becomes a vicious cycle of retaliation. You can’t fix what happened to you by breaking someone else.
As cliché as it sounds, the best way to handle lingering feelings of anger and having been wronged, is to live the best life you possibly can. Instead of focusing on external things to make you feel better, focus on what you can control. Pour all that energy you have for feeling angry at someone else into creating the life that you want for yourself.
At the end of the day, anyone who has angered you this much, does not deserve such a prominent place in your heart. Your time here is limited. Focus on becoming the best version of yourself, making real, deep connections with others and creating a legacy here you are proud of.
