There are always going to be people who don’t see your value – just don’t let it be you. Your value doesn’t decrease based on someone’s inability to see your worth.
I’ve written a lot about self-worth and how other people see you. When we find ourselves constantly trying to prove our worth to someone, we need to look at ourselves and determine why we need this person to see us. Why are we dependent on someone else to make us feel seen and heard?
I think some of us are vulnerable to becoming addicted to receiving inconsistent praise and affection from others. The inconsistency of it is what drives us. One minute it’s there and we feel elated and the next minute it gets stripped away. And we just want that person to see us favorably again. Numerous studies have shown how addictive inconsistent affection and praise can be and how we place a higher value on the affection and praise from that person because we see it as more meaningful. Think about it in terms of attraction to someone. If a guy friend says something complimentary to you, it doesn’t mean as much as the guy who you have a crush on saying it to you. It’s the same compliment, you just value it differently.
For years I struggled with seeing my value. I also surrounded myself, unknowingly at the time, of people who were negative reinforcers of how poorly I saw myself. Their dominant presence in my life and how I allowed them to treat me solidified the negative things I believed about myself. Talk about confirmation bias!
Remember that your value isn’t determined by:
- How others value you
- What you look like or your age
- Whether or not you are in a relationship
- Number of friends you have
- Type of job you have
- Amount of money you make
- Whether or not someone else appreciates your kindness or help
- Social media likes and followers
All these things are temporary things that don’t reflect who you are and what you bring to the world.
Remember that you are valuable, important and have a right to be here just as you are. If you find yourself surrounded by people who are negative reinforcers, remove yourself from people who treat you like your time doesn’t matter, like your feelings are worthless or like your soul is replaceable.
