Sometimes there is just no need to engage with people to bring chaos into your life. It easier said than done when the person bringing the crazy is someone you love. But at the end of the day, we are responsible for our own state of mind. And if they are doing things that you know mess with your head or threaten your mental wellness, respect yourself enough to disengage.
We tend to go wrong with these situations when we get caught up in the vicious cycle of proving to the other person why our feelings are valid, and we desperately want them to see and hear us. If it’s a situation that is threatening our mental health, we rationalize to ourselves why we need to ride it out, thinking maybe it will get better. The problem with this kind of thinking is that it ends up becoming crazymaking.
In a previous post I talked in depth about what this kind of dynamic can look like in a relationship and how you can protect your sanity. When we find ourselves in these threatening situations, we need to ask ourselves if we are vulnerable to responding to inconsistent praise from the other person. As referenced in the post:
“The crazy maker will give you praise, and you will feel good about things, and then they quickly take it away. There have been numerous studies that show how addictive inconsistent praise can be to people and how praise from someone who doesn’t give it often, is more meaningful. It’s actually been equated to the inconsistent reward of gambling addiction.”
I can honestly say that there have been too many times in my life that I have fallen into this trap. And it was simply because I didn’t believe that I was enough on my own. My value and worth were dependent on external validation, and whether or not someone else saw me and heard me. You can only imagine how much I chased inconsistent praise and rewards! It was clearly not a sound strategy, but as you work on yourself more, you dismantle that childhood programming of needing external validation and you finally internalize that you are enough. And you deserve to vibrate on a higher frequency and protect yourself from chaos and nonsense.
What about you? Are you tolerating people or situations that threaten your peace of mind, self-respect, values, morals or self-worth? If so, what can you start doing today to protect your mental health?
