We often search for validation externally, because we can see it. When we tell someone something and they validate our experience, we feel it and see evidence that we are supported. And we need that kind of kinship and connection to others. But sometimes we rely too heavily on external validation and search for it where we can only give it to ourselves.
If you’ve been reading my posts for a while, you know that I often pivot to the issues with social media when it comes to self-esteem. As a culture, we have become enmeshed with posting our “highlight reel” and curated life online. It’s fun to post things online, but far too many of us are preoccupied with likes and comments because we crave that external confirmation that we are good enough.
Remember that if you live for people’s acceptance, you will die from their rejection. The only approval and validation you need is from yourself.
If you are struggling with feeling good enough, or loving yourself, here are some things to remember:
- Nothing outside of you can ever take away how you feel about yourself.
- Being real and authentic with yourself, flaws and all – the good, the bad and the ugly and accepting it is the solid foundation of building self-worth.
- Be gentle with yourself. If you spoke to a friend the way you speak to yourself, what would they say?
- Eliminate negative self-talk and focus on positive affirmations.
- Always be improving yourself for you. What are you good at? What are you interested in?
- What other people think of you is none of your business.
- There is only one “you”. You have something that only you can give to this world.
- You are unshakeable and incredibly resourceful.
- When you begin to love yourself, you will tolerate less nonsense.
- Your value doesn’t decrease based on someone’s inability to see your worth.
- You owe yourself the love that you give so freely to other people.
- Stop hating the experiences that shaped you.
- The same light you see shining in others is in you, too.
