Have you ever picked a beautiful rose and been pricked by a thorn? How do you respond in this situation? Do you curse the thorn or do you use it as a lesson to be more mindful the next time you pick a rose?

It’s safe to say that we all want to feel good. We all desire beauty, joy, peace, and ease. But in our pursuit of these beautiful things, we can’t avoid the struggles and challenges that life presents us. No rose comes without a thorn, just like nothing good comes without its own share of struggles or challenges. But in every situation, we have two options: to curse the thorn or use it as an opportunity to grow.

So, what can we learn from these thorns in life? Keep reading to find out.

What These Thorns Can Teach You

Resourcefulness

When you face challenges, you learn to make the best of what you have. Life is never perfect, and thus it can feel easy to wait for the ideal moment when you have everything. However, challenges teach you to flourish when you don’t have it all figured out.

How can you commit to your fitness goals when you don’t have extra money for a gym membership? Or maybe you are sharing a home with too many people and there is no place to workout. How can you be resourceful and figure out another way to make it work for you?

The pandemic was a great example of teaching us to be resourceful through challenges. Life as we knew it came to a standstill. All of a sudden, going to work, shopping, being social, or going to the gym was no longer an option. And that’s when we became resourceful as a community, finding other ways to go about our daily lives, from our homes.

Prioritization

When you face challenges, you learn to identify what is truly important. You cut out the fluff. For example, when you are doing well financially, you might go out to eat, go shopping, or travel a lot. However, when you are financially struggling, you are forced to prioritize and spend only on what is important.

The same thing goes for when you are going through challenges in other areas of life, like in relationships or your mental health. You have to consider what is most important to you in your life, so that you can dedicate the limited energy you have to those things. Thus, these thorns in your life act as a means to refocus on what is truly important in your life.

Growth

Facing discomfort is the best way to grow. A very simple example is going to the gym. If you don’t pick up weights that are heavy, if you don’t do cardio, if you stop as soon as it is difficult, how will you ever build muscle?

The same goes for life’s thorns. They teach you lessons, help you gain wisdom, and grow emotionally.

Confidence

Human beings love staying safe and taking it easy. It’s our internal instinct. Yet without our share of difficulties, we would never learn to get out of our comfort zones.

But after going through challenges, you come out stronger. You now know that you can face difficulties. That confidence is invaluable because now you will take more risks, get out of your comfort zone, and pursue difficult things.

Problems, although uncomfortable, offer us invaluable lessons and growth opportunities. So, when you are faced with a thorn, don’t avoid it. Rather, face it and consider it as a golden opportunity to learn a lesson and grow through it.

Have you ever done something in the moment that you regretted later? Maybe your partner didn’t wash the dishes like you had asked them to, and your temporary feelings of anger cause you to yell at them. Or maybe you were having a great night out, and overcome by positive feelings and you decided to drink and drive.

When we make decisions and take actions based on temporary feelings, we can get into serious trouble later. While those feelings we had may have been temporary, the consequences from our actions may not be.

Temporary feelings are caused by the emotionally charged thoughts flowing through our minds constantly. On an average, human beings have 6,000 thoughts per day. Some of those thoughts have a positive charge, others have a negative one, and some of them are just neutral. These thoughts trigger positive and negative feelings. But with so many thoughts, these feelings are transient. The only ones that stay are the ones we focus on and pay attention to.

If we have a negative thought that evokes a negative feeling, it can be just that easily removed if we want. Of course, this is easier said than done, but the bottom line is that our feelings are temporary. Yet, in the moment, they have the potential to completely consume us because they don’t feel temporary. And that’s when the danger arises – when we make permanent decisions reacting to temporary feelings.

Space Between Stimulus & Reaction

So how can you manage your feelings and your reactions? The key here is to realize that there is space between a situation, or the trigger, and your reaction. And that is where your power lies. A lot of times we think that we can’t control our reactions, and that our reactions are an immediate response to the situation. Sometimes we think “when someone does that, it makes me so angry”. But the truth is, reacting with anger in the immediate is giving your power away. You have a choice to indulge in those feelings and react, or to acknowledge your feelings, accept them, and choose to respond differently.

How to Accept Your Emotions

Choosing to respond in a way that is different from what your emotions are telling you is not about ignoring your feelings. Rather, it is about accepting and acknowledging your emotions. Ask yourself, what are you feeling? Where is the feeling coming from? What triggered it? Asking yourself these questions will help you get in touch with your emotions so that you can feel them and let them flow through you. It will also give you space before you respond.

The 10/10/10 Mental Model Decision Rule

To help you make decisions that align with what you want permanently, use the 10/10/10 mental model decision rule, which is a model that helps with decision-making. Ask yourself these three simple questions for more clarity.

1. How will you feel about this decision in ten minutes?
2. How will you feel about this decision in ten months?
3. How will you feel about this decision in ten years?

Using these three questions will help put the situation in perspective and help you see your feelings from a different angle.

The next time you feel triggered or emotional, challenge yourself to find that space between the situation and your reactions. Lean into that space. Take a deep breath and find control. Accept your temporary emotions and choose your response carefully, rather than making a permanent decision that you might regret later.

Have you ever watched a baby learn to walk?

A baby gets up, wobbles, and falls down again. He will try countless times to get back up, wobble some more, take one step, and fall down again. The baby fails countless times. Now imagine that after these failed attempts, the baby just decides that this whole walking thing just isn’t for him, so he decides to never try again. Of course, this doesn’t actually happen with babies, but it sure does with adults. We are so quick to allow self-doubt to creep in and stop us from moving forward with pursuing our dreams.   

The process of learning and growing is always a tough one, but we do it with ease when we are children. That’s because a baby does not yet have the awareness that he is doing something different or out of the ordinary. He doesn’t care who is watching him. He doesn’t care what people think of him. He doesn’t care who is judging him or counting the number of times he has fallen down. All he is focused on is his mission: learning how to walk.

So as adults, why do we allow self-doubt to stop us from pursuing our dreams?

Fear of Judgment

A lot of times we get caught up in what other people think of us. Has this ever happened to you? Maybe you were scared to drop out of college because it might be looked down upon by others. This fear keeps us in our comfort zone. The truth is, people might not understand you fully. However, by stopping yourself from pursuing what you want, you are robbing yourself of the chance to live authentically. So, face the fear of judgment and conquer those doubts.

Fear of Failure 

Our doubtful thoughts often cause us to give up before we even try because we are scared of failing. Have you ever had a business idea, project, or a new relationship that you wanted to give a try, but you were too scared of failing so you never began? Nor trying keeps us safe from having to deal with failure. The problem, however, is that by not trying we are automatically failing. Try to look at failure as part of your journey to success. Failure is simply experience and can be an invaluable teacher if we allow ourselves to experience it.

When Self-Doubt Can Be Valuable

At times, self-criticism can be a valuable asset that helps you stay on your toes and keeps your feet on your ground. Some constructive criticism can be very beneficial in fostering growth. If you think you are perfect, there is no reason to improve, which results in stagnation and settling.

When Self-Doubt Overpowers You

However, there is a point when self-doubt can take over and overpower the helpful nature of some self-criticism. This is when these thoughts stop you from progressing. If you let yourself reach this stage, you lose control over your destiny, your efforts and eventually, your outcome.

It’s important to realize that taking control or having complete influence over the outcome of your life is impossible. However, having control over your efforts, whether it is learning something new or starting a project, is more based on your mindset and confidence. Whether you believe you will fail or succeed, you are right.

Remember, doubting yourself at times is totally normal. But letting it stop you from becoming the best version of yourself or achieving your dreams is a choice. When those thoughts consume your mind, think back to yourself as a baby learning to walk. Dare to try new things and have the courage to fail. Have the strength to get up again and to keep going anyway.

We all have people who are our inspiration. Maybe it’s an olympic player who has dedicated her life to her sport despite challenges and setbacks. Maybe it is an entrepreneur who defied all societal norms and created a successful business. Their commitment to excellence is inspiring and can light a spark within you. But how do you get there?

Adopt a Growth Mindset

In order to be excellent, you have to adopt a growth mindset. If you see someone who inspires you, rather than wondering whether you can also achieve greatness, ask what steps you need to take to achieve it. Believe in yourself, regardless of how impossible it may feel at first.

Set a Daily Intention

Achieving excellence is not a one-time thing. It is a daily commitment to strive to do your best and continuously evolve. Every day, you have to wake up and think about what steps you can take to move closer to your goal. For example, if you want to be healthy, going to the gym one time won’t be enough, even if you have an incredible workout. You have to show up for your goals every day. Remember, consistency will always beat short term intensity.

Make a Conscious Decision

To attain excellence, you cannot just go with the flow. You have to make a conscious decision to take actions that align with your goals. If you want to be the best artist in the world, you must dedicate yourself to working on your craft at least once a day. But with social commitments, to-do lists, errands to run, adulting, and chores, it is easy to get lost in the flow of daily life. That’s why you must consciously create time to practice and improve if you want to attain excellence.

Let’s say you achieve excellence. Then what?

Maintain Humility

No matter how good you are at something, there is always room for improvement. Human beings have a tendency to always progress and grow. This is evident in how far we have come as a society, too. If we thought we achieved excellence, and stayed happy and satisfied with it, we would have never created the world we live in today.

Perhaps we would be okay with horses as transportation and the telegram as a means of communication. But, we continue to progress. So even when you feel like you have achieved excellence, stay humble because there is still room for improvement. And even as you grow, sooner or later someone else will come who is better than you or faster than you or more talented than you. Staying humble can help you continuously push your own boundaries and become better.

Wisdom is not just about being book smart or intelligent. Wisdom is not attained by reading or memorizing information. So then what is wisdom, and how can we access it?

According to Confucius, there are three ways to learn wisdom: “First, by reflection, which is noblest; second, by imitation, which is easiest; and third by experience, which is the bitterest.”

Let’s take a look at how we can become wiser and tap into our inner wisdom.

Adopt a Beginner’s Mind

A wise person never assumes that they know everything, nor do they expect things to turn out a certain way. Adopting a beginner’s mind is actually a Buddhist concept that refers to the idea of someone who is doing something for the first time. Think of a time you learned a new sport or you went to a new city. You didn’t expect anything. You just explored, with a new mind, and let the experience paint a new picture for you.

How can you adopt a beginner’s mind with the seemingly routine and mundane? As you walk your usual route, look around as if you are seeing it for the first time. When you talk to your friend, don’t assume the conversation will be the same as yesterday or that you know what their thoughts are about certain topics. Instead, engage in the conversation as if it is the first one you are having with them. Stay curious and have an open mind.

Ask Lots of Questions

Wise people are always asking questions. They approach the world as a student. No question is silly or foolish because there is something to learn from everything. By asking questions, you are always learning. Whether you are asking why or how something works, or you are questioning a way of life, you are challenging and growing your knowledge and perspective.

Be Observant

Observe the world around you. Why do people do what they do? How do things work? Observing life is the best way to gain wisdom. When you observe, you start to notice patterns and habits that might otherwise be overlooked. A wise person soaks in as much information as they can before reaching a conclusion or giving advice.

Be Humble

One of the most characteristic traits of a wise person is that a wise person is humble. A wise person is aware of the amount of knowledge that they don’t have yet. They know how impossible it is to know everything, and by comparison understand how little they know.

On the other hand, a fool thinks they know everything because they can’t even comprehend how much more there is to know. So, if you want to embody a wise person, practice being humble. No matter how much you learn and observe, there will always be so much in the universe that no human being will ever understand.

Learn from Everything

A wise person learns from everything. They treat everyone they run into as someone who can teach them something. However, a fool is not open to insight. They think they know everything and aren’t as open to new perspectives. That’s why even if you give a fool a wise answer, he won’t learn much as he can from it.

You don’t have to study for years or go to college to be wise. You have a wisdom within you that is just waiting to be accessed. So, tap into that wisdom. Be open to learning from every situation. Observe people around you and see what insights you can garner. And above all, stay humble.

Do you ever feel like you are insignificant? Like what could you possibly do that would make any real impact on the world?

Whether it’s donating money to end poverty or switching to a metal straw to be more eco-friendly, sometimes it feels like, “what’s the point?” What difference can this really make?

The truth is, nothing is insignificant. Every little bit adds up.

Small Things Make a Big Difference

You never know the impact that you make on someone’s life. One small smile could light up someone’s day. Opening the door for a colleague at work could give them a little boost of hope in the world. A kind gesture at work could translate to a happier mood at home and save someone’s marriage. One good review at a restaurant could lead to someone’s promotion. You don’t know what someone else is going through and the impact each action, word, and gesture you offer can make.

Here are some small ways that you can make a difference in someone’s day, week, and even life.

Smile

As mentioned before, a smile almost always lifts up someone’s day. In our fast-paced world where we are either lost in our thoughts or phones, sometimes something as small as a smile is overlooked. Thus, the next time you pass your neighbor or get your coffee from the barista, just smile! It costs nothing and it can make a big impact.

Listen

One of the most basic elements of communication and one that is often forgotten, is listening. How often do you get into a conversation, only to talk or to present your opinion? This often happens when a friend or family member is trying to share their struggles. We are so quick to try to offer a solution, to give advice, or to share our own opinions, that we forget to do the basics – just listen. In your next conversation, try listening rather than talking and see the difference it makes. Don’t judge, interrupt, or try to fix the situation. Listening is an act of kindness, and an example of something seemingly small but extremely powerful.

Give Freely

You have a lot more to give than you think. Whether it’s time, money, or energy, there is always something you can give to others in need. Think of things you can give to those around you. For example, you might offer to babysit for a friend. Or, you could offer to give someone a ride to the airport. Small actions can be incredibly helpful for others and make them feel seen, loved, and supported.

Show Gratitude

What have people given you? Again, don’t get stuck on material items. Maybe your friend took out some time from her work day to go house-hunting with you. Or your mom cooked you dinner. Thank those around you for these small acts of kindness. You can also extend this kindness to those who make your life easier, whether it is the Uber driver, the clerk at the grocery store, or the delivery guy with your food. Thank them for their service. Getting in the habit of thanking people not only makes you feel really good, but it can make someone’s day.

We are all trying to survive in this crazy world to the best of our abilities. And with the endless things to do and places to be, it can be easy to start thinking you are too small to make a difference. However, small things have the potential to make the biggest difference. You don’t know what a simple gesture of kindness can mean to someone else on a bad day. So, don’t refrain from being generous with your kindness. You can make a difference!

When someone hurts you or takes advantage of you, do you overlook it or is there a consequence for their transgression? According to this saying, “if you forgive the fox for stealing your chickens, he will take your sheep.” you should do the latter. If someone takes advantage of you and gets away with it, they will probably repeat their actions and do worse.

But Shouldn’t You Forgive?

Isn’t it better to forgive and overlook when someone hurts you?

If someone takes something small or hurts you in a relatively small manner, you might feel like there is no point in getting petty and doing something. Out of the goodness of your heart, you might let it go and not say anything. And depending on the situation, sometimes that is the best strategy.

However, the dilemma here is that it’s not about how they hurt you or the value of the item they took from you. Rather, it is about their personal growth. If there isn’t a consequence for them doing something hurtful, you rob them of their opportunity to receive a valuable lesson. Afterall, we teach people how to treat us.

For example, let’s say someone says something that hurts your feelings. You realize they probably didn’t mean it badly, so you let it go. However, by not telling them how it impacted you, you might be encouraging their behavior of speaking without thinking. In the process, they might find themselves in deeper trouble next time when they hurt someone else.

So, by telling that person how you feel or there being some kind of consequence for their actions, it helps instill thoughtfulness and prevents similar problems in the future.

Holding Yourself and Others to a Higher Standard

Not only is it important to have boundaries and consequences for someone who “steals your chickens”, it is equally important to have them for yourself. Self-discipline is arguably one of the most important foundations of self-improvement. If you want to work towards anything, achieve anything whether it is tangible or intangible, discipline is key.

If you want to set a healthy routine and create a good lifestyle where you go to bed on time, get 8 hours of sleep, and wake up fresh, you have to discipline yourself. This is where some tough love needs to be implemented.

If you go to bed 5 minutes later every night, and constantly let yourself off the hook thinking, “Oh, it’s just 5 minutes”, before you know it you might be sleeping in a few hours later than normal, waking up tired with lack of sleep, and causing your health to deteriorate.

Identify the Trigger

When someone else hurts you, or you do something “wrong”, identify what caused it. “Bad behavior” hardly ever stems from someone just being a bad person. Rather, there is an unmet need that one tries to fulfill.

If you find yourself straying off the path you set for yourself, consider what you need. What was your trigger? If you binged your sister’s cake that she told you not to eat, what caused you to do that? Were you angry? Were you stressed? Were you tired? What need were you trying to fulfill? By identifying the need and the trigger, whether emotional or physical, you can fulfill the need in a more satisfying manner.

Tough Love or Forgiveness

Sometimes, by having consequences and boundaries, it can feel like punishment to others. This may cause them to lash out in other ways. The same can happen with you, as well. For example, if you are too harsh with yourself for eating an unhealthy snack while on a diet, it can result in a spiral of binge eating junk food. So, it is important to assess when to let go of a mistake and when to issue a consequence for it. In this case, you have to consider, what’s the consequence of letting this action go? Does it promote this unwanted behavior? Or, is there some sort of kind and compassionate way of there being a consequence for this behavior with the intention to foster improvement?

No human being is perfect, and there will always be moments where your actions or the actions of others affect you negatively. Identify what the trigger was, what unmet needs sparked this action, and see whether tough love or forgiveness is needed in this situation.

Have you ever said something that you later regretted? Maybe you were tired from work and stressed about everything on your plate, and you snapped at your partner. Or, maybe you accidentally said too much to a friend who wasn’t ready to hear what you had to say.

Our Words Have Power

What we say can hurt somebody and cause lasting damage to a relationship and a person’s emotional wellbeing. Even though you might feel like you are just saying a few words or sharing your opinion, you don’t know how much it can impact someone else. Often, even if you say sorry or clarify that you didn’t mean it the way it was taken, the damage is done and cannot be reversed.

So, how can you be more careful about your words?

Pause

Before you say something, pause and ask yourself what you are trying to communicate and what your intentions are. Sometimes, when we feel hurt, we want to hurt those around us as well. If that’s the case, taking a pause can help stop us from saying something we regret and encourage us to consider if we really want to be that person who lashes out.

On the other hand, sometimes you might have good intentions but what you want to say can be misunderstood or taken badly. Again, a pause can give you the opportunity to assess whether your words are loving or if they could have a negative impact on someone else. It also allows you to come up with a more productive way of expressing what you really feel.

Listen More

By listening, you are automatically reducing the chance of saying something that might hurt the other person. If you are in a tense conversation, let the other person express themselves. This can not only be helpful in preventing you from accidentally hurting the other person’s feelings, but it also helps you understand the other person more.

Don’t Rush to Fill in the Silence

Have you ever been talking to someone, and then the conversation suddenly dies and you feel a rushing compulsion to say anything that comes to your mind to fill the awkward silence? While silences can feel uncomfortable, it is completely fine to have a lull in the conversation or a quiet moment of reflection. Rather than trying to fill up the silence by blurting out whatever comes to mind, become okay with a little bit of silence. If you don’t have something valuable to say, you can wait for the other person to say something. 

Focus on the Good

When you are speaking, it is always a good idea to focus on the positive. Think of the positive qualities of the other person and focus on those. If you are talking to someone at a party, consider the positive aspects of the gathering you are at. It’s easy to focus on the negatives in conversation with others, whether it’s about the food you are eating, the weather, or even your work. However, by focusing on the positive, not only will you refrain from accidentally saying something hurtful, but you will also feel better yourself. You will be training your mind to see the positive in every person and situation, and what’s better than that?

You can always add to what you say, but you can’t take back your words. Be careful with what you say because one hurtful thing can leave a mark on someone for years. Create a positive environment for yourself and those close to you by focusing on the positive.