We tend to believe that we should always be honest and tell the truth. But should we?

For the most part, I believe we should. But, we should remember that some topics require just as much caution when telling the truth, as when one attempts to conceal it.

Case in point. When I worked for the man in Corporate America, I worked at a Silicon Valley tech company that claimed to have an open culture. They prized themselves on being the kind of company where employees could bring issues to management’s attention, so that problems could be corrected.

Well, sometimes speaking the truth about what the problems are in a company are not well received. At all.

One of my co-workers was a successful salesman. He was also really good at spotting issues in our internal systems that made selling software more difficult for reps. He was a bit outspoken, but, many reps went to him for help because he understood how to navigate all the issues we all were experiencing.

One day, during a meeting where we were talking about challenges in our current systems, he decided to bring it to management’s attention. He also had ideas about how things can be changed and corrected. We were all grateful to him for speaking up and telling management just how inefficient and problematic these hurdles we had were.

They heard what he had to say in the meeting. But after that, it became obvious that a couple of the higher ups were displeased with him speaking the truth. They actually made his life miserable in our division and tried to get him to leave. They couldn’t fire him because his sales numbers were good. Thankfully, he was able to find another position somewhere else and got out of there. But it was horrible. And shockingly, obvious.

You would think that a company would welcome that kind of honesty. But my guess is, some people didn’t like the attention it brought onto them and were mad about it.

It is important to tell the truth, but you also have to have the ability to discern whether or not the recipient is ready to hear it. And if they are, you may have to exercise caution when speaking up.

To heal a wound, one must stop touching it. While many of us will revisit our wounds from time to time, continuing to do it doesn’t allow us to heal. And sometimes have to go beyond the injury to heal it effectively and benefit from its lessons. Here are some steps to help heal the emotional wounds that have had a negative impact on your life.

Take Some Time to Reflect

It’s okay to take some time to reflect and examine how you feel about certain things. That’s not to say that you should dwell on them. Instead, try to figure out how you are really feeling about it and work through your feelings. And because traumas come in various forms and manifests differently with everyone, know that there isn’t a “right” way to feel. How you feel is how and feel and it is completely valid. It is also okay of your feelings about it drastically change back and forth. It is all part of the process.

Set Realistic Expectations

You might feel like diving in all at once to fix the issues but try to slow down. Any kind of trauma is complex, and you should try to deal with one thing at a time.

Setting realistic expectations is similar to goal setting. When you set a goal, you start with the smaller ones, and then once those are met, you move on to the larger ones. And just like when you try to accomplish all your goals at once, it’s difficult to reach even one of them because you have so many things you are trying to do. So, start small and work towards more significant issues as you conquer the smaller ones.

Be Patient

When working through these complex emotions, be patient with yourself. You’ll be discovering new things about yourself, and time is needed to put all of the puzzle pieces together. Healing isn’t a linear process.

Remember, trauma creates changes we don’t choose. But healing is all about creating the change that we do choose.

This is a Learning Experience

Our wounds, trials and tribulations teach us more than any mountain top ever will. When I look back at some serious wounds I’ve had in my life, I am actually grateful for each one of them. My rock bottoms through life were definable moments for me, that changed my life for the better – even though it didn’t feel like it at the time.

Try focusing on the wisdom and experience you were able to gain from the situation. Was there a lesson hidden behind the trauma?

Remember, healing takes time, and you won’t be able to move forward from it if you keep revisiting it. You deserve to heal and live a victorious life. It is never too late to mend. And you never know who may see your path to healing and use it as their own survival guide.

When it seems like so many things in life are out of your control, it’s easy to settle into a passive state of mind where you just meekly accept whatever happens to you, rather than being more decisive about creating a life you love. As a result, you end up drifting aimlessly through life, feeling powerless to change your circumstances.

It’s worthwhile to keep reminding yourself that you are the only one with the power to create a better future. The first step is to consider what kind of future would make you most happy. Ask yourself, “What do I really want, and do I believe that I can have it?” If you knew that there were no limits and you could create whatever kind of life you wanted, what would you choose for yourself?

Write a description of your ideal circumstances, including your career, home, relationships, finances, and physical state. Don’t settle for what you think is realistic, or what others have said is possible for you. Be willing to dream bigger and consider the circumstances that would really thrill you.

Then spend a little time each day thinking more about these exciting ideas and stretching your belief about what is possible for you. Even if it seems like these things couldn’t possibly happen for you, and even if you don’t have any ideas for how to make them happen, just being willing to consider the possibilities is enough to start attracting some new opportunities for positive changes in all areas of your life.

Even more importantly, begin exercising the power of your intention in your daily life by deciding each morning what kind of day you will have. Say things like this: “Today, I intend to receive some great opportunities, which I will quickly act upon. I intend to meet up with great people today. I intend that everything goes smoothly for me today. I intend that I feel happy and lighthearted all day today…”

Whatever you would like to happen each day, state your intention to experience it. Over time you will notice that your positive attitude and expectations are having a noticeable effect on your daily experiences. You will start attracting more of the things that you want, and the less desirable aspects will seem to fade into the background.

If you do come up against some unexpected challenges, use the power of your intention to decide what happens next. Rather than reacting emotionally and believing that you are powerless to change the situation, instead make a conscious decision that no obstacles can hold you back. Say to yourself, “This is just a temporary pause and the solutions are already on the way to me now. I intend to receive some great ideas that will help me to keep moving forward.”

While you may not be able to control everything that happens in your life, you do have control over your own thoughts, beliefs, and expectations, which have a powerful influence on your overall quality of life. The more deliberate you can be about choosing a positive mindset each day, the more you will mold and shape your future experiences into something that will be truly satisfying.

The journey of self-acceptance can be long and sometimes daunting. And you can spend a lifetime trying to figure out who you are and accepting that person. Though there are lessons to be learned within each journey, it’s easy to forget that self-acceptance is a key component to loving yourself.

The saying, “The ocean does not apologize for its depth, and the mountains do not seek forgiveness for the space they take, and so, neither shall I” is a plea to every reader to accept all of themselves without apology.

Being proud of who you are holds significant weight in being the happiest version of yourself. In this post, we’re going to talk about the what self-acceptance is, why it’s important and how you can begin to accept yourself more.

What is Self-Acceptance?

Miriam-Webster’s dictionary states that self-acceptance is the act or state of accepting oneself. It further states that it is the act or state of understanding and recognizing one’s abilities and limitations. These definitions mean the ability to accept everything about oneself, whether it be positive or negative, and placing value in yourself aside from your attributes or actions.

Why is Self-Acceptance Important?

Accepting who you are is extremely important to your self-confidence and having a lack of it can affect your everyday life. Think about it. If you’re constantly second-guessing and analyzing how you look, why you said something or feeling down about your overall being, it can prevent you from reaching your full potential.

So, if you’re having trouble accepting yourself fully, you can start by beginning to understand yourself on every level without judgment. We all have light and dark inside us and we all have a purpose here.

Here are some ways you can begin to fully accept yourself:

1. Forgive yourself. The first step on the path to self-acceptance is forgiveness. You must forgive yourself for all of your past actions that bear weight. In doing so, you’re personally taking responsibility for the things you’ve done that you might not be proud of in your life. And this can open up a portal for positive change.

2. Be honest with yourself. Sometimes, brutal honesty, especially with yourself, can be the best medicine. Get used to calling yourself out and seeing your reality for what it is. If you need to make changes in your life, know that you can change the road you’re on at any point. Though this is not easy, practicing honesty with yourself will hold you accountable and set you up for success in practicing self-acceptance.

3. Be one with your mistakes. Admitting your mistakes is crucial for self-acceptance. You can’t resolve issues if you refuse to see them. So, take all the energy you use to deny and put it towards admission. Remember, mistakes are experience and experience helps us grow.

Although accepting yourself can be a difficult journey, the benefits from going through it will be abundant. We’re all looking to lead happier, more fulfilling lives. And accepting ourselves wholly is the first step to greener pastures.

In the movie Inception, Cobb explains how when you can plant an idea in someone’s mind through a dream, it can be done in such a way that the person wakes up and believes that it was their own idea. He asks what the most resilient parasite is, and then says it’s an idea. He goes on to say, “Once an idea has taken hold of the brain, it’s almost impossible to eradicate.”

When we apply this idea to our waking life, we can see how the beliefs we have shape how we experience the world and act as a filter. If we have negative beliefs about ourselves, we will look for examples and things in our lives that confirm that. Likewise, if we have positive beliefs, we will seek out evidence to support those beliefs as well.

How to Challenge Negative Beliefs

If you are struggling with a negative belief system, here are some ways you can begin to challenge your thoughts.

Identify Your Thought Patterns

Do you have thought patterns that are unproductive? Common negative thinking patterns include:

Personalization

You automatically assume that you are to blame, or that someone is saying something negative about you.

Black and White Thinking

When something happens, it is 100% good or 100% bad. You may judge someone else as “good” or “bad” based on one thing that happened, rather than see them in shades of grey.

Catastrophizing

You may immediately jump to the worst possible outcome during a conflict or stressful situation.

If you find yourself having any of these thought patterns, ask yourself what other ways of thinking would be more helpful.

Be Mindful

Mindfulness exercises like meditation can help us stay focused on the present. If you think about it, personalization and black and white thinking requires you to time travel to the past and present, and catastrophizing requires to time travel to the future. If you can take a step back and just stay in the moment, you can challenge faulty negative patterns of thinking faster.

Practice Gratitude

Get into the practice of writing out at least three things you are grateful for every day. I find this out first thing in the morning really helps in how I approach my day. Negative thinking can blind us to all the positive things that are happening in our lives. When you feel negative, revisiting all the things you feel thankful for can balance your perspective.

Seek the Help of a Therapist

Reaching out to a therapist can help you discover new tools and ways to handle negative thought patterns. Sometimes having someone who is completely neutral can offer a new perspective and challenge your way of thinking.

All children need to feel loved and supported by the adults in their life, but sometimes those adults may not know how to give that. This can leave a child feeling hollow and disconnected from the people around them. Even as a child grows into an adult, feelings of sadness and emptiness can persist, often contributing to health problems, depression, and low self-worth. It’s also common for an inner disconnection to breed more volatile feelings like resentment and rage, which can lead to outbursts of anger and violence.

When you think back to your formative years, would you say that you felt loved and supported much of the time? Do you feel loved and supported now by the important people in your life? Do you often feel sad and lonely, or do you often feel angry for no obvious reason? If you felt unloved and unsupported as a child, or even now as an adult, you may have emotional wounds that can continue to affect you until they are healed.

To begin healing, think back through your childhood years and notice any feelings that are present in your body. You may notice a feeling of heaviness in your heart center, or a sensation of weight across your shoulders. Make a note of the sensations and where they show up for you physically.

Then focus on that area of your body and sit with the feeling for a few moments. Allow yourself to be present with it and feel it fully. Then say, “I’m ready to let go of this feeling of sadness. It’s okay to let it go now.” Imagine that you can feel the sadness flowing easily out of your body, leaving a space of peacefulness behind. Then imagine infusing that area of your body with love and compassion. Imagine loving energy completely filling that part of you and radiating through your entire being.

Say, “I am giving myself all of the love and support I need in my past, present, and future.” Imagine this loving energy flowing back through time and infusing the child that you were in the past, as well as filling you up now in the present moment, and finally flowing forward in time to fill up the future you with all of the love and support you will need for the rest of your life. Stay with this vision for several minutes, until you can feel a sense of inner calm and security.

Say to yourself often throughout the day, “I completely love and support myself.” Be sure to do this especially when you are feeling unloved or unsupported by the people around you. Keep reminding yourself that love and support must come from within first and do what you can to provide that for yourself every day.

Repeat this process daily until there are no longer any lingering negative feelings in your body. You may find that some emotional wounds will heal quickly, but others may take more time. Be willing to be patient with yourself through the process and remind yourself that your emotional well-being is worth every bit of time and effort that it needs to heal. Remember, if you don’t heal what hurt you, you will bleed on people who didn’t cut you.

Ask anyone who watches Marvel’s Spiderman movies, and they’ll tell you that one of the most famous lines they remember is, “With great power comes great responsibility.” From the bible to Voltaire, these words have made their impact throughout the most famous writings in history, and with good reason.

It’s interesting to research the meaning of this phrase all the way back to its origin, and when you do, you find that though much has changed in many ways, the expectations of a person with power have not. Instead, these people are still held to a higher standard by others and, most importantly (and in theory) by themselves.

The saying, “With great power comes great responsibility,” is multifaceted. It could mean many things to many people. But simply put, it means that if you are in a position of power, the responsibilities you have are no longer to yourself; but also to others who are affected by your actions and decisions.

For example, Peter Parker continually struggles with the issue of duality. In one part of his life, he’s a typical teenager in high school. On the other, he’s a crime-fighting superhero. His struggle is directly related to the balance of the power he holds, which proves to be a heavy burden at times.

But let’s look at things like this. Say you’re the parent of two young children. One day, you stop to get gas and you and your kids go inside the convenience store to pay. But when you get back inside the car and are ready to leave, you notice that one of your kids is eating candy from the store that you didn’t pay for.

While this might not sound like a big deal, it could be huge. Especially for a little one. This situation is a teachable moment that you have to decide on as a parent. Do you chalk it up to the child not knowing about stealing and leave? Or do you tell them that taking things without paying for them is stealing and make them go back into the store to return it to the clerk?

The feeling this quote evokes is the idea that someone in a position of power and responsibility would always choose to do good. But what is good? Everyone’s definition of what is a good choice in any given situation will vary. Is the person in power looking at things from a broader perspective that we just don’t have? Or do they have a specific agenda and will do “good” for what will align with their objective even if we don’t see it as good? Then there is the more extreme response to power, which is corruption. We’ve probably all had experiences at some point with people in power who do not use their position for good.

The bottom line is that the relationship between power and responsibility is a tricky balance to obtain. You can’t have one without the other, or there is not a position of power to be held. You have the responsibility to do your own due diligence and look at things from various angles and consider how others may be affected. However, knowing that holding a position of power can contribute to the greater good is worth owning any responsibility. And what you choose to do with the power you have will be part of your legacy. What will you choose to do with your power?

Have you ever tried to distract yourself when you are sad? Maybe you schedule a lunch with friends, or you throw yourself at work. When something happens that makes you feel a negative emotion, you get busy.

If that is you, you might be using busyness as a coping mechanism to deal with unresolved feelings and trauma.

What is Trauma?

Trauma, is an event or series of events that causes “a lot of stress.” Symptoms trauma survivors may exhibit can include anxiety, depression, or suicidal thoughts.

You might think “I don’t have trauma, nothing incredibly bad happened to me.” However, trauma doesn’t only include victims of violent abuse or children who grew up in dysfunctional homes.

Not feeling accepted, heard, or loved for our true selves as children can result in trauma. A slightly strict parent, feeling like you had to earn love through good grades, or not being able to express your true emotions can result in trauma. For a child, these situations can instill the belief that they aren’t worthy.

This is where staying busy becomes a trauma response. The busier you are, the less time you have to think about your feelings of unworthiness or rejection. You can avoid dealing with your feelings because you have filled your day with endless to-do lists. As a result, staying busy becomes a band aid, rather than a medicine.

Signs You Are Using Busyness as a Coping Mechanism

1. Your calendar is full
2. You are always going out or being social
3. Others mention how busy you seem
4. It’s difficult to slow down
5. You are exhausted

Healthier Coping Mechanisms

Feel your feelings. You can do this a variety of ways; you can simply carve out time to feel your feelings, gently reminding yourself that you don’t need to think about the negative feelings outside the time. Another way to feel your feelings is to write about them. Creating a consistent journaling practice is especially helpful and can be extremely therapeutic. Additionally, you can channel your feelings into art, whether it is painting, a sculpture, or something else. And finally, you can talk about your feelings. Whether you talk about them out loud to yourself or with a loved one, someone who is trustworthy and supportive, talking can help you feel much lighter. You can also talk to a therapist, which has additional benefits such as learning other healthy ways of processing your trauma.

Slowing Down

So, how can we cope with the habit of busyness as a trauma response? Here are a few simple ways to break the cycle of constantly hustling.

Prioritize Rest

Practice saying no to extra work, commitments, and plans, and focus on prioritizing rest. Remind yourself that it is okay to do nothing. It can feel scary, but it’s good; it’s an opportunity to help you face your emotions and process them, rather than running away from them.

Face Your Feelings

Like I said before, face your feelings not only to process your past trauma but to ensure each day’s new emotions and challenges are processed instead of remaining stuck.

Prioritize Self-Care

It’s crucial to prioritize self-care in order to avoid burnout. The good news is that self-care doesn’t have to be difficult or take a lot of time. Self-care can range from getting a massage to just ensuring you are drinking enough water. Some ways to practice self-care are exercising, eating healthy, meditating, talking to a friend, setting healthy boundaries in relationships, choosing positive thoughts, or treating yourself to a relaxing cup of coffee without your phone. Whatever you choose, start taking care of yourself more.

Be Patient

Depending on how long you have been using busyness to avoid facing your feelings, it can take some time to unlearn this behavior and stop feeling like you are doing something wrong. You might feel guilty for not doing something productive, or you might feel as if time is running out and you need to catch up. Remember, be patient with yourself as you unlearn this coping mechanism and adopt new, healthier ones.

Consider how you feel when you aren’t doing something. Do you feel comfortable to sit with your feelings? If not, make an action plan to process any unresolved feelings. Whether you journal or talk to a therapist, facing your feelings is the only way to effectively heal your wounds.